For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to grow up. Not just be old, but you know, be independent, mature, make my own decisions, all that. I was patiently waiting for this moment, that everything will change. 18th, 19th, 20th birthday passed and I didn’t feel particularly different. Got the job, moved out, got older and older, but inside I still felt like a teenage girl, just pretending to be an adult.
If I look back, I can of course see that I am not the same. My perspective, behavior and habits evolved slowly and silently and after a decade, you can say I turned into a grown up I used to pretend to be.
I’m now 24, but to be honest, most of days I still feel this little girl inside of me. Only, I now know she’s not going away. There is no magical switch that makes you an adult. This isn’t a Sims game, where the swish makes you bigger and gives you directions to live a successful life. Instead, the little girl inside lives on with me. Makes me sleep with a teddybear when the nights get too rough. Makes me buy the biggest chocolate at the supermarket. Cries for no valid reason at all. Screams of joy when a cut dog walks by. But also, pushes me to do this last task at work, even though it’s way past the finish hour. She insists on keeping the promises, even when it’s not fun anymore.
Adult life is tough, there’s no denying it, especially when you can’t avoid it. But after a while you learn that there’s no before and after, it’s just life that goes on. And if the teddybear makes you feel better, then it’s coming off the shelf, whatever the age!
Sidenote: I know that I left the blog hanging, yet again, but there is so many tasks for me to tick off, it’s almost impossible to stay sane and do everything. But as soon as my dad called for “the regular check up”, I’ve realized that I’ve left it with the most depressing post possible and it was absolutely not meant that way. Especially, when my life goes that great as mine does right now. So if you’re worried like my dad was, don’t be, I’m doing well!