Re: Letters to ʟᴏᴠᴇ #storytime (spoiler: it’s a long one)
Few years ago, I wrote a letter to love. At the time I was feeling frustrated and I poured my disappointment into words. I was furious with all heartbreaks, sick of trying and wanting something that was clearly not going to happen. After 3 years, I know the frustration was not pointed so much at others as it was at myself. I went guns blazing in, when I should just let loose. Let myself discover those hidden, broken parts.
They say letting go will bring you peace, but dropping such a strong craving is hard and it takes a long time. Whenever you think you’ve already succeeded, universe throws a curve ball and you end up back at the beginning. Slowly, with 1 step forward, 2 backwards, the light at the end of the tunnel appears. It sounds so overly dramatic, yet I can’t describe it otherwise.⠀ ⠀They always talk about finding your soulmate, but never about needing to find your own soul first. I would say I’m pretty self-aware person, yet there was a big part that remained untouched. I was always looking for love. But when I actually got it, I never knew what to do with it… The problem wasn’t in others, it was in me this whole time.
I’ve been alone for the past 5 years now and I may be for another 5, who knows. Nevertheless, I now know I need this. Every curve ball was a lesson I needed to learn about myself. About what I need, what I want and especially who I want around me. It’s easy to wish for a dreamy relationship and cry when it doesn’t come along, because you’re just standing still. When you don’t know how to be with yourself, others won’t know it either.
I know it all reads like a sappy novel, when in reality it involved basically lots of alone nights, over-analyzing past situations and occasional (failed) attempt at social life.
If I ever write a follow-up story, it would be different, with a much calmer and brighter outlook. ❤️