I would like to say the excitement is winding down every year I turn older, but that would be a lie. Over the years, I’ve come to terms that’s just who I am. Obsessed with my birthday! And I tried to get to the bottom why. It’s not so much I the attention. It’s genuine childish excitement over my special day, that I want to share with others.
Like New Years, it gives me some kind of new beginning. This positive energy that everything will turn out okay. That the next one will be even better. And it almost always is. This year represented a big step for me, although it may not look like much on the outside.
For years I thought how independent and self sufficient I am. How I can take care of myself and live on my own with no help. Turns out, I never thought about how emotionally dependent I’ve become in the process. I had a fairly wide circle of people who were my rocks and were there, basically for every step and thought of my journey. The problem with getting older is, that we all get our own
sh*t baggage to carry, our own life to live and every year we got less time to help carry it on for others. It doesn’t mean we go friend-less, those bonds just grow more complex. It’s depressing at first, but it makes you realize that you need to be strong enough to hold yourself up. And even friendships can grow from there. I think this is the biggest lesson for this year.
I became “adult” and got myself a real job. Got few new inks. Become really good at traveling alone. I’ve learned about having the right people around and to not overcrowd myself. How to let myself go, enjoy and not think too much. I’ve realized I don’t have anything figured out AT ALL and most importantly, I got okay with that.
As I was approaching my 26th, I’ve noticed a big shift. Head going lighter, clothes following with crazier and lighter shades. Humour going darker and feelings clearer. If growing number means happier mind, count me in. ♥
foto by Urška