I feel like this was a year of indulgence and staying still. While the previous year marked so many different giant milestones, 2023 was meant for some rest. I admit it; it wasn’t as restful as it should have been. Instead of resting or setting new goals, I turned to instant gratifications—indulging in good food, travelling, and making every little wish come true, without any real goals. In reality, 2023 engulfed me, and its impact wasn’t apparent until it was too late. It entangled me in the mundane, creating a sense of comfort before abruptly confronting me—a year during which everything unfolded, yet seemingly left me with nothing to show for it.
It exposed all the remaining cracks, leaving me too fatigued to attend to them. Why is life so challenging? Don’t I deserve some rest from constant growth? Although it feels like a decade has passed since 2020, I find myself still here, navigating numerous battles, struggling to discern which ones are truly mine. I began with humility and compassion, but it all relentlessly battered me. Despite actively making decisions daily to improve myself, I became drained, and too exhausted to continue the fight.
While taking a brief breather, the world seemed to crumble effortlessly, as if there was no substantial foundation. It felt like I had been constructing in the clouds. Or perhaps, I truly was?
Admitting such a drastic fall is even more challenging. After experiencing a blissful period, confessing becomes a daunting task. I immersed myself in self-work and cherished moments, channelling my energy into persevering when I perhaps should have listened to my instincts more. Could the real lesson of 2023 be to be less rational, and to react in the moment without overthinking consequences?
After all these years, I’m posting this without any conclusion, without the usual positive ending of how I got it all handled. This is not in any way a plea for help or a disguised message; it’s just that I’ve always been honest, at least in my tiny online world. Even after years of therapy, written words continue to be a source of solace, and provide at least some sense of relief. Leaving it out in the open, with whoever finds it.
All that remains is a wish for 2024 to be kinder and better. I hope to gather the remnants of my willpower, rediscover a piece of myself, and finally set some new goals. After all, life is too short to just float around.
