When I was little, I wanted to be a pop star. Singing, dancing, performing, the whole shebang. All my childhood I was performing: jumping around the living room, lip syncing to my portable cassette player that had a detachable microphone. I was doing shows on a daily basis, on every family gathering, eventually even forcing my younger cousin to be my backup singer and playing the piano. Knew every dance routine, all the words of all the songs were forever imprinted in my brain. I was recently at a concert of one of my childhood idols and my lyrics memory was perfect (no bragging tho).
Then my parents signed me up for singing lessons and I was out faster than you could sing do-re-mi. It was my first brush with stage fright and a big reality check about my singing career. My spirit wasn’t completely broken, as I continued with dancing and performing, just more quietly from then on.
Didn’t think much of stage fright at that time. Every piano recital made me shake and sweaty, but I still thought that was normal. Then out of nowhere, it stroke again. This time at dance audition, at much later age. It crushed me harder than singing and my stardom dreams were forever over. I remember being so confused. Once the queen of the show, suddenly someone very shy. In theory, performing was something I really wanted to do, but when it come to it, it was never as enjoyable as I’d imagined. I guess my courage ran completely out with my 13th birthday.
By that time, luckily, I’ve discovered my new passion – internet. Not many can say they knew what they wanted in life in elementary school, but I did. I wanted to do internet. I was fascinated with it! For me, it was a magical place, where you could do and say basically anything, out loud, to a public, without even leaving your room. Oh boy, that was like finding gold for me.
It became my haven. A place to discover myself, to learn new stuff and a way to communicate with the world, more suited for the new me. Once a true diva, now turned in the shiest girl in town. It felt so natural. Just like putting on a dance show did, back when I was five. It’s funny to look back, remembering how clear those dreams really were. It was always so simple, as to be on the internet, nothing else.
My first year at the agency opened a whole new world for me. My first desk was behind two designers and I remember the feeling of pure admiration for their work. A lady sitting on my right taught me all about content systems. Little did I know someday I will be the one teaching others the same… A while later, my desk moved among programmers and it fascinated me even more. It was like listening to a completely new language. Slowly, I began to putting the pieces together and it was amazing watching projects come to life. All around me were these kind, creative, interesting people, that I knew I want to have as my new role-models.
Sometimes I still ask myself what would happen if I’d push myself and pursue the pop star dreams. I know the stage fright would eventually pass, but would it feel the same as I imagined as a kid? Who knows… ♥