Will she go or will she stay? Will she work late or will she go home on time and rather do school assignments? Relax or finally go work out? Will she grab a lunch with friends that she hasn’t seen in forever or will she spend the extra time for long-overdue cleaning? Time for grocery shopping or indulge in extra bed-time?
One text here, 3 e-mails there, thousands of notifications everywhere, whole world is screaming at her. She tries to ignore it, but anxiety slowly kicks in. How to decide what to answer first? Usually on top of her phone at all times, now all she wants is to throw it in the deepest ocean and forget about the world for at least one day.
One decision after another and her mind is slowly crumbling away. Nothing she does seems enough anymore and at the end of the week she just wants to sleep. Tired of school, work, people, all she can see is her bed. Comfy pillows, comforting her, giving her space to dream, escape the real life. Forget about all the choices she has to make. Important or small, her mind can’t take them anymore. Maybe she’s overreacting. Maybe it’s a reaction to something bigger.
Spiralling again, she can’t stop her thoughts. Masking them to others works wonders, but once she gets home, everything falls apart. Every night, her world collapses. Her soul crashes. Poof and everything is black, echoing from the empty being. No matter of all the effort she puts in making herself happy, tears always arrive at the end of the day. And no matter what decision she makes, something always makes her regret it. Disappointed, tired, sad, unhappy. Her life went so well before… What happened?
Making extra effort now will result in something better soon, she knows that. But fear of failing is strong and with such a tight schedule just one domino can bring it all down. It’s the make it or break it part, the part that matters the most and she’s not sure about the happy ending this time… Pressure is not her strong suit after all. ♥
*Story About a Girl is a collection of random midnight scribbles about life, written when brain just can’t shut down. Inspired by my own life and thoughts, telling a story through a third person.
