She hopes for love. She loves being independent, but lately, she grew tired of being alone. Flings doesn’t interest her any more. Just hanging out is not enough for her any more. Talking rationally about sex is out. Avoiding relationship talks is over. She wants the fairytale to begin already. The realist inside her knows the One doesn’t really exist though. She still longs for that special boy who will turn her world upside down. Who will do everything to make her his and only his. She knows that’s possible. She saw it happen.
But every time something starts, she is too afraid of screwing up. She goes into her head, thinking through every step. Will she do the right thing? Will she say something stupid? When it fails, she always blames herself. She makes excuses for the boy. Why he left, why he ghosted her. She was a bore. She didn’t give it up at the right time. She was too forward. She got attached too quickly. She should have played it cooler. Make him work harder. Maybe she’s jinxed all together. He just wasn’t meant for her. But oh boy, she liked him. She saw herself with him. She will find somebody better. She will do the right thing with the next one. “Next time, baby girl, you’ll see. You’ll do better.” Same story repeats. Again and again.
Only after the fifth time, she doesn’t care that much. Another one left, so what. She almost expects it now. A month rolled over, it’s only a matter of time now. It’s the only thing she can think about. “Is that it now?” But no, she will push it through. “Happy thoughts, here we go. He still replies, that’s a good sign. He doesn’t propose getting together though. Patience, dear. You’ll get through.” But the game got boring. Texting, waiting for the reply, who hits the other first, who seems desperate… She is tired of it. She realised she can live without it. She’s enough.
She doesn’t need to apologise. It’s not her. She is being herself and that’s enough. She won’t beg for attention. She will say it as it is. “I like you, I want more from you. Let’s hang out. Let’s talk about us.” She won’t loose sleep over it any more. She will focus on herself. Work, friends, school, family. She still believes in the fairytale. Maybe it just takes longer to get to the happy ending. The vicious circle will repeat though, she knows that. But she also knows, that with each new one, she will get a bit better at it. Until one day, it will go as it should. ♥
*Story About a Girl is a collection of random midnight scribbles about life, written when brain just can’t shut down. Inspired by my own life and thoughts, telling a story through a third person.0